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Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips
Fuck Gretchen!
- Michelle, Val, this is Jake. - (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
We're gonna need a couple more.
to get this over with right here, right now.
Did you give her two solid inches, Beuter?
Whoo!
- (MUSIC CONTINUES) - (LAUGHING)
FINN: Ah, you mean when a girl asks? That's easy.
- You have. - (CHUCKLES)
Ah, we noticed that you never made it home last night.
I'm gonna go upstairs real quick. I'll be right back.
(WHOOPING)
(LAUGHS)
PLUM: You got some moves. Alison, right?
Hey, Finn, did you mention hung?
I'm just... I'm curious. Maybe you study
because that's what they want you to believe.
Oh, yeah. We're taking it this year, fellas.
Oh, cool. And you're a freshman?
They'd been investigating it for a while,
Single-minded, and...
(GRUNTS)
You know, can you find a way to overcome all obstacles
C’mon man
(CHUCKLING) Yeah.
Three words,
It's my first days of college
(JAKE LAUGHING)
Fuck that shit.
That is so sexy.
All right, boys, let's go!
- Hey, Bradford. - Yeah.
You know what they call me?
All right then.
Willoughby isn't even his real name.
- (COUGHS) - Oh, yes. I mean, look,
JAKE: All right, bro.
if you ever wanna play this game again...
- First time wearing cologne? - No.
and you got your albums.
You know, not only are you not the best guy on the team,
it semi-paralyzes the whole torso.
Whoo!
COMA: Go get some glasses, Brumley.
COMA: Yeah, I think that, too.
(LAUGHS)
(INHALES DEEPLY)
JUSTIN: This is my old high school buddy, Jake.
and just talks about what a pro prospect he is.
Maybe that, too.
- Fuck off with that shit, boy. - (LAUGHS)
But it's the same thing that you're saying with the performing arts.
I think I got a tear in my eye, Jakie.
Man, your life's gonna fucking suck.
Yeah, you need this. Yeah.
- I hear Val is fun. Go for it! - All right, cool.
...or I'm doing anything particularly "respectable,"
We can stop now. We can call it five bucks.
You don't really mean that.
Waking up on Saturday like
- Oh, you gotta see this. - Yeah.
I'm actually studying to be a cunnilinguist.
Yeah.
Give me the room alone for a bit.
The Druids fucking knew it.
17 -point!
- How's it going, man? - Hey. Two-dollar cover.
for the Freshman Numb-Nut of the Year award, right, guys?
(NEZ EXCLAIMS)
Can I borrow you for something really quickly?
it's about the way the ingredients make you feel.
See, he tells girls that he has an average cock,
(SIGHS)
PLUM: 30-12?
and check out my album collection, you know?
BOUNCER: Let's go! Come on!
but I feel like it's important to give back, you know?
(STRAINING) I can't. Fucking I can't.
(ALL WHOOPING)
They're talking about his dick, man!
(INDISTINCT)
Hey, girls, how you doing? I'm Roper.
All his shit's gone, man.
if I gotta face you down the line in pro ball,
Yes. As soon as you tell me.
Astrology? Mr. Cause-and- Effect Rationalist? (LAUGHS)
Fucking crazy.
It's this physiological phenomenon.
ALL: (CHANTING SOFTLY) Derek. Derek. Derek. Derek.
Are you insecure about the duck feet?
They just got me five minutes ago.
Aren't most athletes kind of...
What matters is just getting in that groove
A probabilistic framework and projecting meaning
ROPER: (LAUGHS) Holy shit!
Well, now you just plain hurt our feelings.
Oh, my nuts!
- Cool. - Okay.
- (EXCLAIMS) - (EXHALES)
or are you talking about marriage?
Hi. It's the quote-unquote "auburn-haired girl in 307."
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
in Manitoba,
I will.
Hey, man. Nice to meet you.
No, I have routines.
Dude, did you guys hear?
Ooh.
Give me a fucking break. Finn. Finn. Finn.
- Like the one in Fame? - Kind of.
And now, I can officially welcome you to Oz.
- I'm up. - Yeah.
I'm like, fuck it!
I love Nez.
(ALL CHEERING)
JAY: Well, I'm a fucking raw dog, all right?
Hey, Jacob.
Uh, we've got our party tonight.
Almost every single episode.
DALE: Until we get out on the field, Jakie.
Just return my album, man.
(BOTH CHEERING)
below the chest bone in the solar plexus,
JAKE: I mean, they say it's called "O Canada,"
Yeah, Season 2, Episode 5, if I'm not mistaken.
Hey, ladies! Happy hour is upon us at the Fox.
Yeah. Yeah. Hi.
- Yeah! - So she gets surgery,
- Let's go. Let's go. - I'm not gonna do anything.
You cha-chao before you even know it
- Just warming up. - Mmm-hmm.
Maybe one of the best days of my life here, Nez.
FINN: How's that for incentive?
JAKE: It's a thumb on your fucking chest, Nesbit.
What, Disco Boy now wearing a cowboy hat and boots and shit?
We just having good times, baby
PLUM: You know how well you'd have to see the ball
It's all coming around.
Okay, so should I come over like right now?
Tomorrow, same time, all right?
Yeah, yeah. The Blue Jays almost picked me up,
knowing there's no way you'd ever play pro ball?
- Um, hello. - QUEEN: Oh, hello.
Sound Machine, all right.
So you wrote about Aphrodite and being a baseball slut.
Wait, wait, wait.
I'm gonna come back there, and I'll fucking make you my bitch, man!
Now, we're actually around a few potentially interesting young women,
- Strike! - BRUM: Come on, Plum.
DALE: God damn it, Plummer!
"How's your ballplayer doing?"
Are you the guy that says,
That's gonna be erupting like Mount St. Helens
- What the fuck? - JAY: Let's go!
Have you noticed, whenever we're around baseball,
You know, I'll still have a few hours
I'll go back in late summer, graduate, do that thing.
At his own peril,
Make it 0-2.
...those two things together?
I'll fucking go home.
Bullshit!
All right, that's a fucking stare down!
Gotta get some meat on that boy's bones.
Okay, fucking no cover, free beer! We can't afford not to go!
dopeness
Sorry.
Get out of my shot.
Could've gone to anywhere in Texas.
Oh.
And don't forget, he does have
How's that sound?
Only been at college an hour
Hear that?
I think it's a little bit of both.
PLUM: This guy? JAKE: Yeah.
Hey, you return that with one scratch on it, Nez...